Sun. January 11th, 2015.
Today feels sad and lonely. I am having a hard time finding fulfillment in photo editing. Too many hours on my computer starts to hurt my mind and my psyche. I don't know what to do to fill the void and I'm not sure how I can continue to photograph without committing myself to editing. It's like a constant buzzing, I'm becoming a robot. I took down the t.v. that was in front of my bed, blocking the window, it had always made me feel uneasy, but I'm starting to feel that it was without purpose if I have only replaced it with a smaller version. Nonetheless, at least I am able to open my blinds at full capacity again.
I'm not living for myself. I know what to do, my mind shouts it: ride your bike, drive someplace real far, listen to music on blast, go to the open mic, take beautiful pictures, call up your friends, get out of bed, cook good food-or don't, write. The furthest that I get some days is the opposite end of my house. I make it here. I play my music loud, sometimes. Wtf is wrong with me? I think about switching it up. Drastically. Maybe I'll change it all, my hair, my name, get my passport and leave. I don't have the financial capital to do so. I thought that schooling would bring me to my life's calling. It has been 6 months since my last college course. I want to throw up at the thought. Finishing school was supposed to be the greatest accomplishment of my life thus far, a time of celebration, encouragement, fresh starts. You can be anything that you want to be. What do I want to be when I grow up? I'm still trying to figure it out... Happy? All I dream about is traveling. All I know that I want to do is explore. My dream of being a Photojournalist hasn't ceased, I just haven't done anything to pursue it professionally. Perhaps due to it being a competitive field, generally low paying and hard to break into.
I got lost the other day, on the way to the Armstrong Redwood forest. In Tiburon, by the bay. I started a new Instagram page:
Today feels sad and lonely. I am having a hard time finding fulfillment in photo editing. Too many hours on my computer starts to hurt my mind and my psyche. I don't know what to do to fill the void and I'm not sure how I can continue to photograph without committing myself to editing. It's like a constant buzzing, I'm becoming a robot. I took down the t.v. that was in front of my bed, blocking the window, it had always made me feel uneasy, but I'm starting to feel that it was without purpose if I have only replaced it with a smaller version. Nonetheless, at least I am able to open my blinds at full capacity again.
I'm not living for myself. I know what to do, my mind shouts it: ride your bike, drive someplace real far, listen to music on blast, go to the open mic, take beautiful pictures, call up your friends, get out of bed, cook good food-or don't, write. The furthest that I get some days is the opposite end of my house. I make it here. I play my music loud, sometimes. Wtf is wrong with me? I think about switching it up. Drastically. Maybe I'll change it all, my hair, my name, get my passport and leave. I don't have the financial capital to do so. I thought that schooling would bring me to my life's calling. It has been 6 months since my last college course. I want to throw up at the thought. Finishing school was supposed to be the greatest accomplishment of my life thus far, a time of celebration, encouragement, fresh starts. You can be anything that you want to be. What do I want to be when I grow up? I'm still trying to figure it out... Happy? All I dream about is traveling. All I know that I want to do is explore. My dream of being a Photojournalist hasn't ceased, I just haven't done anything to pursue it professionally. Perhaps due to it being a competitive field, generally low paying and hard to break into.
I got lost the other day, on the way to the Armstrong Redwood forest. In Tiburon, by the bay. I started a new Instagram page:
CaliforniaWanderlust.
No comments:
Post a Comment