Lack of motivation.

Some days I just don't feel it. 

I have no desire to get out of bed. 

Not even to eat, get fresh air or pee. 

I just lay here, like a sloth, like a zombie. 

I reflect upon my actions, or lack thereof, searching for the answer to fill the void. 

It's not that I am like this everyday but it's hard not to notice the days that I am. 

Is this depression? 

My chest hurts.

But I'm happy. I believe that I am. 

I am content. 

Yes, I can 100% commit to contentment.

... 

What's next? 

I have not found IT. 

It. 

The force that makes you thrive, that gets you out of bed every morning, that makes you want to do better, be better. The reason for my purpose.

What is my purpose?

Sometimes I'll come across an opportunity and I'll take it, in desperate need of an objective, a project.

Give me something to DO, anything.

However, when you are the only one accountable for your actions it is easy to slack off, procrastinate, lay in bed, like a sloth, sitting, waiting for purpose to fall in your lap.

Girlfriend, opportunity doesn't come knocking unless you go out there and search for it. My self talk helps. 

Then I give up. On projects. You know, the ones I took just to do something, anything with my time.

Why?

Standards? Laziness?

I believe it's due to a lack of fulfillment.

I'd rather do nothing than something that doesn't fulfill me completely.

However, while I'm sitting, waiting, wishing that I'd find it, I'm probably missing out on all the things that will bring me to it. 

I suppose, here's to New Year's resolutions. To finding fulfillment and enjoying the journey along the way.