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| You oversee your own life. |
I am a box overflowing with trash, donate-now items, recyclable bits and pieces and photographs. Haha. I'm just kidding, but it is how I feel. I feel like my dirty home. I feel like my stress over the upcoming week's events. I feel like the dirty face that I still have not washed today because I have been distracted by cleaning, cooking, and other miscellaneous activities. We take on our emotions, our actions, our surroundings in a physical and mental sense. And I am trying to learn mind over matter. I am trying to learn the secret of energy and that what you put out you will receive, I promise I am trying. I am trying to have patience. I am trying to forgive and forget. I practice breathing, I push back tears and I call to myself strength. I am working on earning money and never placing its importance above the necessary immediate use. And
sometimes I fall, I feel like I am falling. I am Alice in Wonderland. I am exploring new places, ideas, people, and celebrating life's many un-birthdays. The other day my brother asked me why I can't just blog about the happy things that we do together. So, I said ok, I will talk about the park we visited and the joy that I got from laying in the sun and taking pictures and hugging trees but when I had the opportunity to blog about it, I didn't. My brother played at an open mic night and my boyfriend told him that he should only play his own songs from now on to showcase his own talent. To this my brother replied saying that most of his own songs are too dark and unhappy to perform. I thought it was funny that we both allow ourselves, our minds and our bodies to soak up the happiness of our experiences but when it comes to expressing ourselves it is the frustration, heart break, bitter feelings that we write about. Maybe it's because it is easy to be happy but it's much harder to handle unhappiness, stress, frustration and that we need to express ourselves when we feel that way in order to get it off of our chests, out of our minds and put it up to something other than ourselves to deal with it. However, I have taken some beautiful pictures this summer. Had some great and fun friend bonding experiences. Have had my brother move in with me and am preparing for the biggest traveling adventure of my life. I am searching and finding myself daily. Sometimes I hide in the closet or find pieces of myself on top of the fridge, man I'm sneaky. Haha. My brother and I made a long list of things that make us happy in life. In fact, that was what I planned to blog about a few days ago. Things that make me happy, like finding treasures at a yard sale that you impose yourself on because these two people are hanging up garage sale signs for Saturday and your brother asks if they have bar stools for sale because even though you e-mailed someone on craigslist and thought you had an agreement about bar stools it turns out he wanted much more for all of them than you are willing to pay and these two people say yes, but they are square and we say that's ok and they say $8 for both and you say ok thanks and get their address for tomorrow's yard sale and drive away and then flip-a-bitch and ask them if we could take those bar stools off their hands tonight and they say yes, I'll meet you at our house and then we end up looking through all of their stuff and taking home much more than you had planned but are extremely happy with your decision because it means that you invested in your home, which is where you live and is your place of rest and is your safe zone and for that, it was all worth it, and for that, I LOVE yard sales. :) Off to take care of business. Until next time
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