What do I know?

      I sit here often. I wake up, reach for my phone and lose cognition of the world around me, it is but me, my mini-computer and my bed. I gaze at fashion items on Pinterest, delicious looking foods and ignite my inner adventurer with boards of travel photography. I force myself to read the news or listen on NPR, where I either end up submersing myself in it or slowly exiting after a few articles of overwhelming reality. I don't know if this is normal, I don't feel abnormal, although I do feel occasionally low, guilty even for indulging or better yet, obsessing.

       Last night I walked into the room where 4 young teenage girls were lying on the bed on their phones, my nieces or my bf's nieces and my little nephew who's only 8 wanted to play with them but they were ignoring him. I told them they were lame for being together but just being on their phones, not talking or playing. I found myself speaking quickly as I spurted out, you guys are 13 and aren't thinking about the same things that he is, you think about boys, school, selfish things and there's a big difference in age. When I was young I didn't have technology like this, I played with my cousins and caused trouble and messed with our parents, we talked and played. No offense I threw in, one of them spoke up and seemed mad at me for saying selfish, and said what do you mean no offense, you just called us lame. I continued to explain that I was thinking about myself at that age too and it's okay and not necessary for them to think about anything else but those things and themselves. I felt the dense air thicken and as I lay on one of the beds I could feel the girls staring at me from the other close by. I didn't know what to say or how to make it better, especially after saying what I truly felt. I talked with the eldest one and asked about school, the younger one that was mad at me asked me if I ever had a dream car when I was young and I slowly felt my heartbeat return to normal. I felt badly for the way that I spoke to them, I could have easily rephrased my words and had a more thought provoking conversation if I had given it more thought. I sit with them often, feeling like I know exactly what it is to be that young but maybe it is different, maybe time's are changing and I'm not in touch with their generation anymore.  

       

     They don't want to play in the dirt and that bothers me. I'm judgmental toward their use of technology because they never have known a world without it. I justify my use because I'm aware of it, take constant breaks and have known what it is to not have a smart phone or a computer or tv on pause. They're good kids actually, fairly normal and well behaved, but it's not just them I'm targeting with my frustration, frankly it's everyone. Sincerely, it's myself too.