In a world of what if

I find myself having the same dream daily. (A life goal not a sleeping past time) I think about it subconsciously and consciously the majority of my day and every time that I do I refer myself back to the photojournalism path that I'm on. Am I discouraging myself from pursuing my true dreams because I am afraid that I will not succeed? Sometimes. When I begin to analyze what it would be to make this dream a reality I feel that it is not what I want. So, is it not what I want, or I have I spent so much time telling myself that I cannot that I have manipulated myself into believing that it is not what I want and I will not succeed? This is not to say that I chose my majors without rhyme or reason. I love Photography and Journalism and just as well I am nearly fluent in Spanish. These are my majors and a minor by the way... Journalism and Spanish and a minor in Photography. I do want to make a difference in people's lives by practicing photojournalism and covering important social injustices. But maybe just maybe, I could be a singer.

How much of our lives is molded for us before us?

How much of what happens in our lives happens for a reason? Coincidence, intuition, intention, inherited traits? Do we inhabit our parent's abilities or disabilities? How much of our lives is molded for us before us. Wednesday here, smack dab in the middle and I am in the middle of my journey of self discovery. Who am I? Will I inherit my arthritic genes? Can I overcome my genetic structure... without a lot of money? A piece of advice that I hold and distribute is that you must follow your passion. Our passions are a strong sense of who we are, a thread of happiness on our internal bracelet. We can only predict the future, however our time would be best spent living in the now instead of worrying about the future. Sure, we should have goals, a realistic sense of cause and effect and maybe a direction but to live life in a planner is no plan of mine. There are two types of people. Those whom say that everything will be alright and believe it and those who say that all will be fine and do not believe it. I choose to believe. I believe in the greater good, in humanity, in destiny, but most importantly I believe in myself. Have I been manipulated by my inner ego? Perhaps... but for now I am ok living in my happy place. 

            Do you ever feel that there is so much to be said that you may be better off saying nothing at all? I realize that as extroverted as I am I have a weakness for stepping out of my comfort zone. I have denied any fears I may have out of the fact that they are often deemed common or cliche. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of rejection. Fear of what others may think. But it should not be fear that guides us.

            Someone close to me asked if I had to pick an action that I was most drawn to would it be talking or listening? I thought about the question for a moment and replied both. Well, you see, they said, I believe that it is human nature to have one trait that you are more pulled to. Interesting I thought. I wondered to myself if telling them that I felt more like a talker than a listener would make me sound selfish or less understanding, less compassionate. I then responded by explaining that I listen and then I talk, I like to teach people I said, to help others. I believe that some people are meant to be the voice of the voiceless. I want to be that person. I am not sure exactly what position God has hired me for yet but I am most definitely on a search for a job that will fulfill my calling.
             I found myself feeling down recently, not because I felt that there was something wrong in my life but because I could feel the struggle of a loved one near me. I would act out irrationally, speak inappropriately and out of turn, all with forceful words. I realized that I must not let myself be controlled by emotions and that in order to connect with someone you have to act with reason, patience, and listen intently. Once I cut myself out of the equation, listening instead of speaking, I could think clearly and more importantly, I could connect and understand what, why and how; what was wrong and why and how I could reach them. Having something meaningful to say means nothing if you cannot find the right way to say it.